It is good

I do not know hows other people channel their personal issues, but for me, it is always positive in the end. Not so sure whether I am unconsciously pretending to be this way, just like I always pretend all my romantic fledgling has the potential to fully blossom, until it is inevitably predictable to get smacked down. Anyway, at least I am feeling quite good, and I have found ways to love and to be loved.

I recall that at the beginning of starting this blog, I was bloating the 4 personal growths. Well, change is never easy, and I sorta went back and forth on some of them, and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is quite easy to forget what you learned and revert back to what you are used to do things. In one of Seinfeld episode, George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents' house. I am testing a minor version of George's solution, and it seems to be working for me.

The examples are all really small and probably not worth mentioning. Essentially, I have tried to be "irrational" in making arrangements on my daily life. No more forced cost benefit analysis. If I feel like to do something, that is a good enough reason to do it. So yesterday, I was meeting friends the whole day, and today I went to volunteer for a homeless shelter and then did some gardening with my neighbor Katy. Besides, I have been keeping my chatty streaks and explored my hidden talent of being an extrovert.

I am still not sure how it will work out in the end. I was using my rationality to engineer a free-wheeling attitude. Does it sound like oxymoron? This said, however, I am not going to analyze my motivation and potential results here. I have been quite happy, despite a big personal throwback. On the other hand, the failure of my love pursuit threw me over the top and made me want to change. Besides, surprisingly, my over pursuit is not dead yet. We still have our weekly morning run plus breakfast. I am not pushing for anything, but would love to take whatever I can get. Finally, I begin to understand why facebook gives you an option of "whatever I can get," because sometimes that is the only possible option. You cannot be too pick, can you?